In late September we officially started to court. About every two weeks I would go up from Baltimore to Pennsylvania and spend the weekend with Joe. Two weeks felt like forever inbetween. Before we even started courting, we were intentional about what would come in our future. The fact that we had both been married previously had helped both of us know what we wanted and didn’t. Even attended pre-pre-marital counseling we thought was worth investing in for our future. I was carrying around large amounts of baggage being that I survived a abusive first marriage. As well as Joe who had been widowed by his first wife. We just wanted to make sure that we were not jumping into a relationship too quickly. I had very clear and cut thoughts about what I needed and wanted from a second marriage; for example, that I would be treated equal, that I would be loved for who I was, there would be no abuse and that we would always talk out issues. I know that I had learned much about being in a bad one; how not to fight and how to compromise. How to put the other person before yourself in every way. Not to count wrongs against them. To be honest and to listen. That communication for men and women is drastically different and we both deal with emotions in our own way. I am sure that Joe could also write a book about the things he learned from being married previously. We even worked through several relationship books that close family and friends recommended to help us get all the difficult conversations to the surface. As humans we are very complicated people and in some cases we never know what might be a trigger or that we are carrying around baggage for. Both of us had a few counseling sessions on our own to talk about things we might not yet be ready to discuss with each other.

To most, the timing sounds very short and rushed; but our response was always when we knew, we knew that we were with the right person for each other. I also observed how Joe treated his mother and sister; and in turn how they treated him. This says a lot about a man. Yes, family did say to us both that we were going to fast and that we should slow down. We both made commitments that we would always work on us before anything else. I will be the first to say that I was scared, out of my mind. I didn’t want to fall victim to another abuser; but I also had to have faith. For both of us our Christian faith in God was a large part of our courting process.

Another issue, for me, I was a common simple girl from Texas, with no education, not much smarts, with absolutely NO money or valuables, that isn’t uber gorgeous or ugly, with three children, with tons and tons of baggage, that lived in a inner-city disabled senior building, who came from a family who all had some degree of vision loss and so forth. I have never felt I was anything special, wonderful, anything to write home about; why would this wonderful fantastic loving caring man want me? This was a question I even to this day ask myself. I am sure he will tell you because he made the decision to love me, who I am and for only me. Someone like myself who has NEVER in my life had that kind of love ever, the type that is so unconditional its overwhelming, I can’t or don’t understand. I did not go looking for this relationship, had not been looking to be in an relationship. Didn’t really want anything to do with men at this point in my life. I was just floored at the simple fact that God was in control here; there is no other way to explain it. Only by knowing that God and Joe loved me, I stepped blindly into what was to come.