If yesterday was any indication of what was to come, this day was much of the same. We had originally set our alarms for 6:30am, but of course as soon as we woke up, neither of us were ready to get out of bed. This began the flow of many gallons of tears. It’s those darn fears and guilt that continued to knock at our door that would not leave us alone. Even though I knew they were unfounded, even though I knew they were illogical, my heart was the one that had the biggest and best argument with the rest.

We knew that we needed to get moving and although it didn’t take long to get ready, of course there were the last minute things to get ready. Just a few days after the fact, writing this now, I don’t remember many of the finer details of that morning. I would say it was because I was on auto pilot. After a very hurried breakfast, my SIL and FIL came over to start loading the car.

I knew that I was taking alot of stuff, probably much more than I needed to take. But things that I needed, like sheets, pillows, laundry detergent and so on. I didn’t want to have to buy them when I got there. Now what I am about to write is by no means, to disrespect anyone, but more to show the state of mind I was in that morning. My FIL and SIL were loading the car; hubby had taken a load out. I was grabbing the last minute stuff about ready to go. My FIL came in, I asked how was the trunk, and he made some sort of comment about it being extremely full. I was already not feeling great emotionally, and this just set me off. I take full blame for taking too much and screwing everything up. I just started crying for at least a half an hour and I could not stop.

Of course this put us behind in our schedule, instead of leaving at 8:30, we didn’t leave until 9:30am. The drive was good, with not much traffic.

I should describe the weather too on this day; it certainly matched my mood and emotions. It was a very very cold day, probably our coldest yet thus far this year. The sky was dark, cloudy, gray, and cold. And to make things even worse, small amounts of snow were falling, in some areas sticking to the ground, in others not so much.

While we drove, we caught family up on the convention we had just attended. Giving them drama details and the whole account. It helped to get my mind off of the upcoming detachment of my husband. Some place in New Jersey we stopped for gas and the bathrooms. At some point after New Jersey and Long Island, hubby and I took a small nap in the back seat, it was what both of us needed, but it wasn’t very long either. Again there wasn’t much traffic until we got closer into the Long Island area. Family would describe the leaves that were falling like rain now from the trees because of the cold weather. Red leaves, yellow, and some green all mixed in. Just the sound of that sounds beautiful.

We made it to the Port Washington Long Island area around 12noon, but we decided to find the school, and then go eat lunch. After driving around for a bit, using the GPS, IPhone, and just telling us what was around, we settled on the PWD. Port Washington Diner. Our next challenge was finding a parking spot, which took a little longer than we had expected. Once was located we parked, and went into the diner. It was a quaint little diner. We all decided fairly quickly on food and ordered. They had great specials of the day. So we all order one of the many different specials offered. I had a great hamburger; the only bad part was that this hamburger was huge. I mean like plate sized. But along with the burger, came soup, coleslaw, pickle, and French fries. Oh my word, it was alot of food. I ate all of the soup, about a quarter of the fries, several bits of the coleslaw, and 90% of the burger. I was stuffed. The service was good and very attentive. Again at this point hubby and I didn’t say anything about the upcoming detachment, as if we didn’t talk about it, nothing was going to happen.

After eating our huge meal, we headed for HK. We arrived at the main, training building, and the receptionist called down my case manager. She came down, and we went over to the dorm building. The training building and the dorm building are separated by 200 feet, with a sidewalk to and from. I was told that the campus is on some land that is also a nature preserve. Once we were taking to the dorm, my case manager got my room key, and we went on to the room.

The first room I was placed in was a handicapped room. It was a normal size room, with a bathroom, two beds, a dresser, desk, sink area, and a closest area. This room because of a wheelchair had a shower room too. I was given the option of looking at the shower room, but decided it was too big. When I am dizzy, I also get disorientated. So this big open space was not good for me. My family helped get everything from the car, and brought into the room. My FIL and SIL also ran to the store for a few very very last minute things. While they were gone, I talked initially with my case manager. At some point the admissions director came over, to welcome me. We talked about the room situation. I was given the choice to look at another room, and decide which I wanted. One of the residential staff ran out to Bed, Bath, and beyond to get a shower mat for my new room, which has a normal shower.

At around 3:15, my case manager left me so that I could say goodbye to my hubby and family. Around this time I was shown the other room, with the new bath mat so that I would not slip, and I decided to move to that new room. During all of this hubby and I had an extremely hard time saying goodbye. There were more tears. Just the thought of us separating would bring us both into tears. I cried so hard and had been for so long, that I had a headache.

At a little before 5pm, with many tears, we finally broke apart, in a physical sense. It was extremely hard to see him leave me. As I have mentioned before, the fact that we would be apart was in itself the difficult part, well it was, but I just had this feeling that it would be for good, that we were saying goodbye forever, at the end, for the last time. I have nothing to back this up with, but it felt as though it was for good. Again unfounded fears but my heart wasn’t listening at all to logical sense.

Hubby and family got on the road, and I sat in my dorm room crying out my eyes. It was sweet because the dorm staff, who didn’t know me at all, wanted to bring me down to eat dinner, to get me out of my room, to ultimately make me happier, but I just could not do any of it. Shortly after hubby and family left, I called and talked to hubby, who was in just as much pain as I was in our separation. We talked, and then decided to let me get settled and him take a nap on the trip. After the situation with my room was settled. I unpack enough to get into bed, to feed the pup, to get some sort of order to my room. That took close to 2 hours.

The rest of that evening, I cried off and on. It was like taking off an really stuck on band aid, taking it off, its stuck, and it hurts, it’s pulling out your arm hair or leg hair, like pulling it off in one quick tare. I finally got into bed around 11pm. I was emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and dehydrated. It took me a long time to get settled in my new bed, in a new place, all of the different noises, along with my heart in a million pieces on the floor.

My prayer for that night is that hubby and I could handle this, that we could grow, and heal from the broken hearts, and that God would watch over us, to keep us safe, and well.

Day one of training/evaluation soon to come..